My brain trips over itself. It cares enough about a girl to trigger emotional boners here and there. So I invite myself in her bed. I really slept with a girl. Not over or under, just beside. But it was a sweet sweet feeling. The moment I crawl under her blanket I feel different, it's intimate and delicate. She roll and end up on my arm and I like that. I even laid my leg to touch hers, slightly creepy but anyway. We wake up, she walks to take mugs, messy hairs, pyjs, she's cute. She feels fat and ugly, but I could look at her like this for hours. For a while this feeling reaches deep into my mind, I catch myself daydreaming. We're together, lovingly caring and sharing, we'd make love, really just love, physical and emotional. I'd be up to find an eng. job, we'd go for a bigger studio. I felt so at peace I even dreamt of apologizing to my parents, and forgiving them for the shit they gave me. I'd even talk to old friends cause now I'm alright, alive.
I hate my brain, I hope I will either not be gay or be able to never feel like that for a girl. As for now, there's too many beautiful girls, I doubt I'll ever forget what I'm missing.
