emotional feedback

relationships forming by calling for common emotional response underlying superficial similarities (boys wanting to elicite response from other boys based on assumed common desires) ?

there's no turning back for me,
dead the day i was born,
life killed me
.

grief

I don't know how I'm gonna deal with this, if it's true, it feels like a loss. Death. The idea of it is unbearable. What purpose then ? none ..

Gosh I hope I'll read this embarrassed for being wrong.

knot nots

I don't feel womany I feel non manly
I don't feel gay I feel non straight

self defined disease

the only way not to be anxious or stressed or sad about my state is too satisfy urges. well played mother nature.

back to integrative neuroscience. gonna crack this bitch,

tainted

is my past now tainted by an invisible pervert lie nature brought onto me ?

anxiety attack, how not to drill you head

Happened once after nose surgery (fist fight), the stabilizing tissue meshes occluded the airway, made me furiously mad to the point I gradually striped them out of my slightly bleedy nose.

Happened again last night, no blocking tissue, only a mild cold/infection causing fluid (or stuckful slime) between my nose and my throat. And my brain went even more mad, cold hands, stuck in an obsessed loop to clear the back of my nose, which obviously I can't reach so I started punching my head. I was tempted to put anythint through my nose to reach behind a drag the gooey out ... but I asked to get to a hospital to get some kind of brain shutting pill. I could breath perfectly, nothing harmful was happening except for my brain getting off trying to convince itself to crack its skull open...

It was embarrassing to abuse night doctors time for such a little thing, fortunately there was nobody there at the time (a rare thing)