everything is nothing

I was told I could do anything
I could be anything
I repeat, all this means nothing if I can't ...

backlog 001

1994, reading Hollow man

a scale of irony

Is it possible that I've lost my teen years in a sea of desolation for a lack of confidence toward girls that is turning to be a complete absurdity considering my probable orientation ?

distorded perceptions

I don't know if it's my reclusive way of life, with accumulated years of interacting with people in non physical, distanced and emotionally crippled ways but I have different reaction if I look at someone in picture and in real life. Most of the time since a few months it triggers this empty feeling of sexual identity mismatch. Is it a symptom of obsessive disorders ?

emotional versus

most of the loneliness impressions comes from the simple fact that most of the things I feel thrilled about makes people yawn, while all they're ecstatic about makes me cringe.

adosses

assis au pied de son lit, cote a cote
parler un temps assez long pour en perdre sa notion.

assis cote a cote, adosse a quelquechose
parler sans s'en rendre compte.

assis tous les deux, serres
parler en silence.

tout les deux. parler.

tout les deux. parler.

tout les deux. parler.
tout les deux. parler.

emotional noise, down up down down

For a few seconds I feel like a guy, then it goes away. It's a cold and empty feeling going through my self. Strips life out of me. Very difficult. I dream to stalk on neuroscientist to harass them into building a cortical debugger.