father ad nauseam

Anything

his voice
his smell
his words
his ideas

An emotional gag reflex.
I can't stand his sadness and craze.

Sometimes I enjoy the thought of hurting him.
I'd cut his tongue and stare.
The pain or fear in his eyes.

For his blindness.

That's it, a little poem, courtesy of genetic legacy.


ps: expressing violence does have a little 'relieve' effect.

in her mind

Someone's girlfriend texted me yesterday. My phone was off, typical passive aggressive cut from people. She's almost always nice to me. But this is a first. There was no side-projects or event. Just an 'Don't ask why, I think of you, hoping you're fine'. She has no idea I think about her when I hold my pillow. Helps me bootstraping tender-filled of girl closeness fantasies. I'm gonna play outbid by revealing this to her. It's rare that girls displays little signs of affection. Very rare. But that's the second time she come forwards to me. Earlier this summer she gave me a kiss on my cheek, out of the blue. No girl ever did this, it's was subtle and sweet. Just what I'd need from a girl. I'm not angry enough to really think she's sad or bored. Plus she's supposed to be free of kids, they're both schooled now. Maybe work seeking reminds her of me. I'll see. This won't help me dreaming about us flirting gently. I'll answer her tomorrow, her man will be at work. I won't steal her from him (0% chances this could happen in any universe) but I care about "our" relationship. Things I can share with her are private. Even if it's strong feelings. I'm surprised how shooked I am now. Wet eyes. It ..

Am I in my other girl~friend thoughts too ? she was embarrassed by my affection and quite cold when I disclosed how desperate I am about my sexual situation. I don't think she's gonna hold me in her mind often or long from now on. She loves her cat much more.

tell on

It's funny how I'm more open to bitch loudly against my parents when there are siblings around. The usual reclusive me feels a lot less inner resistance to shout back. It's as if being surrounded only by people whose behaviour hurts you kills any reason to shout since they're doing it in the first place. You don't want to speak since you're trying to modify the mind of people already unable or unwilling to see the harm. Other people gives you a new market to express yourself on, it feels a lot easier.

still need you ?

http://splashofred.squarespace.com/red-gallery/andrew-ek/11606372

her thigh

The warmth of her leg against mine. I don't know if I'd enjoy more of her close to me, but it felt like it. This soft burn.

dead logic

when i'm fed up
i'll get a 9mm
hopefully under 7 days
i'll get a refund