I don't want to play virtual-hug-buddy with the last girl, here's why:
I just spent 48 hours with a friend couple.
Seeing them non stop lovingly being playful together.. just exhausted me. There's not overwhelmingly glued together, it's just that witnessing something I wanted and probably will never have is a mute-pain dragging you down. I have ~feeling for his girlfriends, I almost always talk to her directly, but she's his fiancee, she just don't care much about me. Ah stupid monkey.
I don't know how my pseudo-gender issue will end. Self-mourning is vaporous.. hard to understand. I should read about handicaped people. It's funny cause I could see myself blind, half-handicaped .. but the simple idea of never having a complete and deep love - emotional and physical - relationship with a girl .. leave me hanging like a ghost.
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