rollercoaster week somehow

Lots of surprising events since the last few days. My father leaving town to attend some friends funerals, then that girl 30th birthday, then her mother-in-law 60th birthday. They pulled me out from my room to share desert then dragged me on the kids playground with their daughter. It's probably been 13 years since I've landed a foot on that particular area. It's just outside my window yet I never stop when coming home. We even walked through the wooden path surrounding the projects. That was a child specialty. Soccer on fields, wooden houses, hide and seek... Sun even paid a visit while we were extending our walk in the forest. I didn't spend so much time in my own neighborhood for so long. It wasn't thrilling but quite peaceful and stimulating. Years ago I would probably be overwhelmed by anxiety, nowadays its under control. Anyway, the noon was about to end, everyone back to their home. The 30yo girl inviting me at her place. I couldn't say yes because I like her more than my own childhood friend (her fiancee). Friend who sent me some pep-talk message about how cool people thought I was .. they're just clueless, and I know he says that because he misses me somehow and want me to feel happy. But it's not right and there's no way I can explain anything to him because it doesn't even make sense to me.
So here I am, closing the door, father back from his 3 days trip, talking with my mom. There was a 'patching things up' kind of feeling floating in the air. Saddens me that it takes a sad event to bring this up. You can sense it by the rhythm and the tone of smalltalk, the overall volume ...
Fast forward 2 days, went to pay some bills for them, by bike, right on time since the sun is back again. I'm all sweaty but I cleared my tab. It's not even 2pm, for a reason, alcohol synced me back on time, I wake up early. Weird body. I decide to watch 'The Downfall'. Right when things becomes dark, parents start to pick on each others. Doesn't take long until that threat feeling flows through me. I can't stand it anymore but I'm too weak to get things started. I can't run away because I want my independence to live my life, I don't have any. Leaving would either pass at some immature runaway, or some inexplicable (even though everybody is in pain under this roof) gesture.