It's been a while since I felt like this. So that girl who rejected me is depressed, since I care for her (not only as a romance, but also as a friend) I try to smooth her sadness out, while sending small jokes about her rejection of my awesome beauty, to which she answers it's not that I'm not good-looking. I felt proud for a minute, that's rare. Later I propose to meet tomorrow because I need to go out and that could be a good thing for her too. She reveals she has a crush on someone, probably an idiot (her words) but that she doesn't to lead me on. Oh god she was right, my stomach is a bit twisted now ... The usual feeling of loss. I can't even imagine how people feel when they had real relationships. We only shared a bed twice. Something mundane for many, but for inexperienced guys like me it felt new. Somehow there are positive side to this revelation, more incentives to move on and leave this path. I'll have less regrets. It's the 2nd guy she wants without ever showing interest in me.
I really wonder what the hell is wrong with my brain. I spent the last night between two beautiful girls, one that I just met there, I couldn't get my eyes off of her, she's very pretty and delicate, very smooth body too. What is it ? desire to be her ? How can I feel torn for girls and not be physical at all. In my mind it's a pretty good advantage to be able to pull the carnal attraction lever. Double penalty, not straight enough, but still too much.
ps: badly edited text.
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