I finally went downtown to pick some shirts. Went to H&M first, to warm up, but I got anxious. A guy looked at me for a bit too long, he was cute too. I decided to get the fuck out. With my scarf and my ski vest I look bad. I wandered around in the mall, needed to pee (anxiety again) so got a burger and leaked. Couldn't bring myself to step into the other shop. Heading to the movie theater now. It's my safe hiding place. Not so safe since there's always a chance to stumble upon gay couples, or cute guys or hot girls.
One more time I was close to a guy in the train. Warmth. I also got stuck against a girl that decided to come into an already packed wagon. I didn't really like being so close to her slender body but it was special still. *sigh*. Took me down. There was a young woman with huge breasts. I tried to focus on that (for science) to see if anything rise inside of me. A slight chill came, nothing major, just enough to stop the fall of my mood.
I'm running away of places to feel free.
I still need this clothes for the job.
I might try to enroll the last girl I know to come with me near her workplace. I lose all good sense when I'm alone.
Another night of girls with distorted faces.
I'm so sad I hate everybody.
Again.
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