I think I'll need a bit of straight desire every day, I can't be happy whenever 'non-straightness' state of mind kicks in. I need it. For hope somehow, to remind me I may have a bit of the life I wanted.
Watching erotic pictures creates waves of pleasures inside my brain, also some pressure on the top. Some times for a few secs the arousal stops, leaving me cold. Then the brain pressure shifts, sometimes on the front, sometimes around the top.
I still have this weird sensation watching a girl face compared to a boy one. I hope it's just temporary instability. Is it possible that as I was unable to see me and my body as a sexual actor during sexual intercourse with a woman, "feeling" things as if I was the woman (hands caressing torsos, ass, mouth sucking), which now is mostly gone, I would be unable to perceive beauty and romantic emotions anymore and project them on guys as if I was a woman. Maybe I'm starting to wanna look like a man ... If so, sexual development would really be a subtle thing.
At the bus stop today there was plenty of young girls (thanks to road work and bus delays), some of them very pretty, one of them not at all according to my 'taste', large black face. At one point I have, no I realized there was some printed notifications on the bus post, saying to people not to wait, and using it as an excuse to be noticed by her friend (a natural doll, utterly pretty, yet dressed in rags, uncanny). As I was speaking to her, my bad sensation looking at her disappeared. My brain interpretation of vision is failing.
That's all self.
No comments:
Post a Comment