someone's 31st birthday and a homeless test drive

Junior high school guy took me to a bar for his birthday. Told him about my issues. Didn't really take it seriously and doesn't really understand how long my loneliness has been going on. It was interesting to see how they perceived me in college though. I really looked like a normal happy guy. I don't think he got that I was following people out of anxiety of being me (something that is still not well defined in a social context). Only girl there was the bartender. She was pretty, I couldn't help but to stare at her from time to time. But as the night went, I started to notice his friends, one that had a soft feminine face, uncanny. Other ones lot less pretty, but I could look at their body. And it felt as if it would be possible to fondle them. At the same time that cute bartender looked less and less interesting. I drowned into a sad anger. Buddy dropped me back but I forgot my keys. I was already cold from the inner distress, and got a free 2 hour wait-outside-you-moron because I wouldn't dare wake up my parents for my mystake. While I was coasting I thought about the girl with a tiny little more projected fantasies. That gave me some relief to help the cold wait. Now I inside, and gonna warm up under the blanket. I feel ill already. Being homeless in winter must be a living hell.