woke up feeling like a girl again. watched some pictures, male models, their body isnt that different from me or girls. suddenly the feeling stops. I still think guys are cuter, but thinking of a woman's bust release something inside of me. did I shift from hetero romantic homo sexual to homo romantic hetero sexual ? am i both girl and boy ? is the difference about all sexual sides of ourselves in the brain a question of configuration that can be bended on certain circumstances ?
sometimes I think I feel for boys as a projection of what girls would feel for me. somehow similar (I probably wrote that before, can't recall) to what I felt the last 3 years about gay porn. the sudden shift/emergence of sexual desire has flipped my hetero romantism, something I'd qualify as the main part of my personality since I'm a kid, and turned it repressed ? maybe it is a stable state and I'm stuck into this other incomplete mode where I can't combine tender beauty with raw impulses.
I half-dreamt about leila again, but at one point I called her in a male pronoun (doesn't translate in english).
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