Another switch today. As I wait to enter the theater I notice a girl, I feel a warm fuzz through me, almost half hard, I stared at her the whole movie, to the point I had a jealousy attack when I noticed a guy at the end of her row staring at her for a little too long for my tastes. I ran out of the restroom after the movie and caught up walking out. And did nothing. Am I just that much of a wuss (keven would probably say 'everyone knows that'). I tried to calm my mind but I was blank. Of course it means as soon as I was alone after we parted ways, I started to have so many things to say and share ...
The morning my brain was in bi mode, I think I saw 12 guys in a row with pretty faces. But after the movie I couldn't find a single one worth of staring even for a second. Is it a psychosomatic side-effect ? I was pumped and couldn't control my smile. Every girl felt smooth from a distance, I could project cuddles and tender caress, something you want to never end.
A little later as I was watching some girl channel, I had a weird flash, it's really that instable, sometimes looking at kisses I feel being the girl, sometimes it's not. Sometimes it comes after a few seconds. Whenever I'm not in the guy's role a fright chill run through my body. Very scary.
ps: it seems my recent encounters with girls are showing a weird effect. Somehow somewhere in my brain I sense a difference with my last-decades self. I have a notion of touch and love now. I can imagine puting my hands on a girl as a way to express affection and/or attraction. This is new. It seems just sleeping with this girl, even though she rejected me before we could even spoon or cuddle, did break some virginal aspect of my relationship with my body, my emotions and other persons. Deeply troubling, both thrilling to feel part of humanity but at the same time I can't expect things to turn out the way I want.
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