It's been long time since I talked to him. Few days ago my last 'friend' advised me to send him a mail asap but I don't feel like it. I'm too sad and lost, I have nothing new to tell him, and everything else he knows already (yes, I think about him, I hope he's happily married). Should I say him I think about ending my life every two days or so. Can I keep bitching about things that seem so close yet so far from me. It feels like a kid not willing to make a step forward. It's almost true, but I'm asked to step off a cliff to verify I will die upon reaching ground.
I wonder why I'm so fucked up by girls and even more so how am I gonna be when (if) I fall in love for real, considering the theory (the main one these days) that my girl crushes are a fake artefact of years thinking I was straight. I really am a void of a person. Reminds me of Inception when the lead explains that his recreation and memories are just a superficial incarnation of his love's past reality. Am I, and was I a fake subversion of myself ?
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