I don't know what sex feels. Shared one. Not self pleasuring. I only know that I get affectionate urges towards girls easily. Just stared at my wall thinking about a childhood fiancee. She makes me wanna dance and sing. Sometimes I just wanna hold her against me just to give her a warm and sweet sensation. It's not even for me, it's very large outcome of emotions that I can barely hold and I need to give it to her. I don't know what sex feels, but every time I look at a beautiful girl and doesn't feel the usual mesmerized lock, I have a dark and cold vibe saying "you're fooling yourself, you're made for men". It's the highest distress I've had to deal with by far. It's a loss of your self. It's worse than the death of related. It's too early. I need to feel sure with girls, then I think I'll be able to extend horizons. I don't know what sex feels. I couldn't connect girls, skin and affection before, and right now I still can't connect sexual attributes to pleasure or deep sexual needs people seems to display. Girliness is still attracting somehow but compared to a real sexual act will it last ? is it a first step toward something more profound or is it just something easy to obsess about when a kid that will lead into a void ? ... I've never done so many 'cross' signs in my life.
ps: it's so weird to have to fuck to know if you can. what an unnecessary thing to do...
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